No time for (body) drama: an unapology

The weight you carry on this Earth is something that’ll never change.


I’m 20 years old, 5’2″ (on a good day), and 140 lbs. My friends say my weight is all muscle, but I know it’s not. I haven’t worked out in a month from being sick, caught up in the midst of midterms, and from giving up on the Bikini Body Guide (BBG) after only doing it for three weeks. I am taking five classes this semester at UC Berkeley, working as an intern at the SF district attorney’s office, and — so what — I like pouring copious amounts of half & half into my English breakfast tea every morning! I can’t make time for my M-F 7 AM gym sessions like I used to. In everything that has been going right or makes me feel accomplished, at the end of each day, when I return home from school, I continuously keep biting my self-esteem in the ass.

“If only you had abs again.”

“You’d look better with a bigger booty.”

“What happened to working for the thigh gap?”

I’ve been lacking the compassion to validate myself that I am trying my best. I learned recently that not only does the media engrain into our minds to believe that Eurocentric, symmetrical features is what makes a woman beautiful, but that privilege plays a big part as well. The privilege of time and money to go to the gym, grocery shopping, meal prep play a significant role into our health, which I never realized before until recently. I’m not happy with the way I look, and I am not trying to make excuses for it, but I think it is important that I (& so many other people!) give my-/them- selves a break. Although working on personal fitness is super important to the human body as a whole, it is important to keep our motivations in check.

Working out isn’t worth it if you’re trying to impress that guy/girl or transform your already beautiful body into something else. While I was working on just looking good for the progress pictures of BBG, I failed to nurture my body and give it the love it deserves from food and rest. The spirit of exercising should root from the love of one’s self. Never forget to love yourself, because that’s truly the only constant we have in our lives. We may change in thoughts, shapes, and values overtime, but the weight you carry on this Earth is something that’ll never change. We are all so important and, thus, worthy of our self love. Being “pretty” isn’t a requirement to live a happy life, but being true to ourselves is.

Contact me for questions, comments, or even if you just want to spark up a conversation. I know this isn’t the most articulate and inspirational blog post ever, but I hope it can inspire you nonetheless to believe in your intrinsic value. Peace & love.

P.S. Thank you for being human, and genuinely beautiful while at that.